Baruch Meir describes mixed results:
Studying Torah, good deeds, and mitzvot some of them weakened, in some of them I failed immensely, and some strengthened.
I must confess that my belief in God has weakened somewhat, my confidence strengthened, passion [lust?] has improved a bit, ill-speaking has improved a bit, knowledge has grown a bit, reflection has declined a bit. I have fewer friends and my house does not serve as it used as a meeting place for the learned for several reasons. I am less careful, less agile. My memory is intact, kindness has strengthened. Greed for money is unchanged, being pleased is better, caring for friends and community has improved. Yikhud Hamaase [acting singularly for God] has improved a bit, virtue on the same level. Mental stability has improved a bit, devotion to God has declined in my opinion.
As for honoring others – I have less anger, the honor I have for the learned has declined for external reasons -- not because of me. As for Torah-study: During the 25 years I increased studying with friends – listening to one another. Studying by myself has decreased and I don’t have the diligence that I had for long periods in the past. With it, I have lost profound understanding of Talmud. On the whole my little bit of studying Gemarah has no depth. As a result of studying with friends I have strengthened studying the khumash with Rashi’s commentary, Mishna, Psalms, and Agada [story part of Talmud]. Halacha -- only a bit, books of morals – not at all, because of studying Agadot, with friends, and necessary issues such as delivering eulogies about great personalities,the crisis in my town and also because I delivered several sermons on behalf of Zionism, I have become a darshan [a specialist in giving sermons, not necessarily a rabbi] for many, and I speak wisely and in good taste.
My first sermon was a eulogy about the gaon Rabbi Yosef Ber that Rabbi Israel Issar asked me to deliver in the big beit-midrash here.
He lists some characteristics and describes his progress, or lack thereof:
My tranquility has improved a bit, forgiving insults -- the same -- polemics and discontentedness have improved a bit. My patience has improved, especially at home. I am less impudent.
I have not rebelled against God.
Baruch Meir mentions that he has given tzedaka [money for good purposes] and hopes to continue so in the future.
Baruch Meir comments on practical relations with others -- and his spiritual condition:
Hastiness has improved a bit, holiness – I am in a lower status than before and I was never in a better status. My bad temper has improved. I have some more compassion. I lie a bit less.
He openly admits fundamental failure:
I cannot state for certain that I have achieved a real Teshuva for any one of the Khataim.
